not quite poetry
Circle i and Main
H.D. and E.M.
The stage is empty, save for NAMELESS INDIVIDUAL (NI), whose countenance is hidden by the upside-down newspaper it is reading, and a street sign. It is wearing a threadbare robe and a hat made from newspaper; needless to say, it looks somewhat disreputable. It somehow manages to be of both genders simultaneously, and, at the same time, neither.
ETNAD, an aimless character of whose gender we neither know nor care (but whom we shall refer to as male for convenience..s sake), stumbles in with a drunken swagger. It seems as if he is looking for some sort of marker that might give him a clue as to his whereabouts. He is dressed quite nattily; if he didn..t look so unsure of himself, it may have appeared as if he were consciously intending to foil NI..s appearance.
ETNAD notices NI and the upside-down newspaper. Curious, he slowly walks towards NI, rubbing his eyes, unsure if he is a victim of an optical illusion. For a while, ETNAD silently stands in front of NI, staring blankly, until NI suddenly puts down its paper and matches ETNAD..s stare with an even harsher gaze and a low growl. ETNAD jumps back, startled.
Awkward silence. NI cackles haggardly.
ETNAD (apprehensively): Where am I?
NI (almost cross-eyed, with a mad-hatter grin): Where do you think you are?
ETNAD looks around confusedly and suddenly notices the lone street sign. ETNAD struggles to read it, as all corrective lenses have been left Back There.
ETNAD: At the corner of... Main and... (pauses as he struggles to read the tri-layered street sign) Main, and... (again pauses, not knowing what sort of punctuation to use) Main.
NI (musing): Or maybe in the Eternal Fire.
ETNAD (blankly, in bland disbelief): I..m in Hell?
NI (condescendingly): Indeed, in Circle i to be exact, and, more precisely, the one imagined but conveniently omitted---
ETNAD (dubiously): i?
NI (seemingly insulted): Yes, don..t you know, the square root of negative one? (He gets progressively intense as he notices that ETNAD appears doubtful) The mark of approval for legislation? The address for the first person singular! (There is an awkward pause, as they stare at one another blankly) This thing!? (He nearly drives a finger into ETNAD..s eye).
ETNAD (flinching and recoiling bitterly): Ah ..-- what in the Hell was that for?
NI (matter-of-factly): Yes, you..re down there. Except that now, it..s down here.
NI shamelessly folds the newspaper into a paper airplane and throws it into the audience.
ETNAD (growing a bit panicked): Isn..t Hell the absence of God?
NI: Or, perhaps, the absence of logic. (shrugs lamely)
ETNAD (looking over his shoulder, into the wings, outside past the stage): And, very clearly, the absence of Starbucks---
NI (abruptly grabbing ETNAD roughly by the shoulders, hissing acridly): Don..t ever take the name of the Lord in vain!
ETNAD (clearly even more befuddled): Well---
NI (interrupting): Don..t you want the grand tour? You haven..t even asked for it yet. All of them always ask, inevitably. Might as well get it over with.
ETNAD: But---
NI puts his arm about ETNAD and begins leading him about the stage. NI looks out into the audience and points to a corner.
NI (Musing out loud and gesturing): See that woman over there? The Cambodians call her Angkat; the Chinese, Yeh-Shen; the Indians, Nagami. And the Egyptians? Rhodopis.
ETNAD stares blankly and blinks.
NI (half sadly, half smugly): I believe you ill-educated, politically-incorrect Euro-centralists call her ..Cinderella..... doomed to wind herself around poles for eternity, degrading herself in front of the ghosts of Rockerfeller, Astor, and all other rich perverts---
They look at one another, NI smugly smiling, ETAND gaping incredulously.
NI (defensively): Well, she was a gold-digger! What do you expect?
ETNAD: Didn..t she love h---
NI (interrupting): ---his money!
ETNAD: His status?
NI: His dinner!
ETNAD: His dinner?
NI: Little Red..s Wolf---
ETNAD: He..s here?
NI: He..s in Heaven.
ETNAD: But, (hesitating) isn..t this Hell?
NI: Is it?
ETNAD: Isn..t it?
They pause yet again, NI reveling in and motivated by the silence.
NI (resuming unexpectedly): In Heaven---
ETNAD: But... didn..t he... devour... poor Grandma... and then Little Red---
NI (as they traverse across the stage): ---who first disrupted his nap and then proceeded to illustrate perfectly the concept of evolution!
ETNAD stares at NI.
NI: Survival of the fittest! Certainly not a sin! Just Nature taking Her course!
ETNAD: And what about the woodcutter? Isn..t he---
NI (pointing to another corner): He..s the neighborhood..s newest Prometheus. Hyenas and vultures and other scavengers shall pick him apart. Then beetles, mites... (He pauses, then grins.) Dismembering wildlife is a form of animal cruelty, you know.
They continue walking across the stage, NI..s arm is still around ETNAD. NI is getting more and more chummy with ETNAD as the tour progresses.
Stopping with their backs to the audience, NI gestures once again, motioning for ETNAD to look at yet another figure.
NI: And there is a man you have undoubtedly met very often.
ETNAD (startled): What? Who?
NI (slapping ETNAD): You weren..t paying attention! (suddenly chummy again, pointing) That man over there, with the aforementioned gold-diggers.. stepsisters.
ETNAD: You mean that man?
NI: Yes.
ETNAD: I don..t get it.
NI: Get what?
ETNAD: Wouldn..t this be Heaven for them?
NI (wicked chuckle): It..s punishment for him.
ETNAD: Who..s he?
NI (distractedly): Who..s who?
ETNAD: The man!
NI: Oh, him! He..s Prince Charming.
ETNAD: But, why?
NI: Why not?
ETNAD: I don..t...
NI (deep, prolonged sigh): He..s a sexual predator, kissing girls while they..re asleep. (evil chuckle) Those women he..s with will sure take the lechery out of the man, even one like that.
ETNAD: But he saved her from the spell...
NI (waving arms dramatically): Nonconsensual lip locking is the first stage! Next thing you know, he..s all over her like two rains from the same cloud!
ETNAD (blankly): ...pardon?
NI (musing): Well, in some versions, he did impregnate---
ETNAD (interrupting): But aren..t the stepsisters enjoying it?
NI: Of course they are! It..s what they..ve always wanted.
ETNAD: But isn..t this not Heaven?
NI: For them, it is Heaven.
ETNAD: So, this isn..t the Bad Place?
NI: It isn..t?
ETNAD: It is?
NI (shrugging nonchalantly): Truth be told, it depends on the angle of your perspective.
NI begins to navigate the stage whilst contorting his body into various shapes and twisting his face from side to side. He bends over and looks through his legs before tilting his head to the side while cross-eyed.
NI (still rotating his head into different positions, he speaks in a comical tone): View it from the right wing--- (he trots to the stage..s right wing) the left wing--- (he skips over to the stage..s left wing) sit on a fence and view it from the center--- (he runs merrily into center stage and firmly plants himself there) or hug a tree and see it like the Green!
ETNAD: But you told me that... or rather, I..m supposed to believe... (a thought interrupts him) Who are you, anyway?
NI (mocking ETNAD with a sing-song voice): Who am I, who am I?
ETNAD: So you mean, even you don..t know who you are?
NI (completely disregarding him): Where are you?
ETNAD (startled by the sudden shift in question): Where am I?
NI: Where do you think you are?
ETNAD: I don..t know, God damn it!
NI (indignantly): Don..t speak ill of the dead!
ETNAD: Go back to whatever it was that you were doing before I came.
NI: Was I even here before you came?
ETNAD: Just...! (mutters something indiscernible and begins to storm offstage)
NI: What..re you doing?
Ignoring NI completely, ETNAD goes into audience and retrieves the newspaper. He walks to the left wing of the stage and begins to read it right side up.
NI: It only makes sense upside-down.
ETNAD (crumbling the newspaper and throwing it to the ground): Who are you? And where am I?
NI (resigned): If you insist. (He sighs half-heartedly and pauses before speaking very deliberately) I, sir, am God. (He takes off his tattered robe to reveal clothing exactly the same as ETNAD..s and stalks blandly, if not somewhat dejectedly, offstage.)
ETNAD stands for a while before taking the robe and putting it on. He picks up the newspaper and unfolds it, and after sitting down, he turns it upside down and reads, musing in silence. Lights dim.
ETNAD: So, this is paradise.
Lights fade to blackout.
ETNAD (tentatively): Nice...
H.D. and E.M.
The stage is empty, save for NAMELESS INDIVIDUAL (NI), whose countenance is hidden by the upside-down newspaper it is reading, and a street sign. It is wearing a threadbare robe and a hat made from newspaper; needless to say, it looks somewhat disreputable. It somehow manages to be of both genders simultaneously, and, at the same time, neither.
ETNAD, an aimless character of whose gender we neither know nor care (but whom we shall refer to as male for convenience..s sake), stumbles in with a drunken swagger. It seems as if he is looking for some sort of marker that might give him a clue as to his whereabouts. He is dressed quite nattily; if he didn..t look so unsure of himself, it may have appeared as if he were consciously intending to foil NI..s appearance.
ETNAD notices NI and the upside-down newspaper. Curious, he slowly walks towards NI, rubbing his eyes, unsure if he is a victim of an optical illusion. For a while, ETNAD silently stands in front of NI, staring blankly, until NI suddenly puts down its paper and matches ETNAD..s stare with an even harsher gaze and a low growl. ETNAD jumps back, startled.
Awkward silence. NI cackles haggardly.
ETNAD (apprehensively): Where am I?
NI (almost cross-eyed, with a mad-hatter grin): Where do you think you are?
ETNAD looks around confusedly and suddenly notices the lone street sign. ETNAD struggles to read it, as all corrective lenses have been left Back There.
ETNAD: At the corner of... Main and... (pauses as he struggles to read the tri-layered street sign) Main, and... (again pauses, not knowing what sort of punctuation to use) Main.
NI (musing): Or maybe in the Eternal Fire.
ETNAD (blankly, in bland disbelief): I..m in Hell?
NI (condescendingly): Indeed, in Circle i to be exact, and, more precisely, the one imagined but conveniently omitted---
ETNAD (dubiously): i?
NI (seemingly insulted): Yes, don..t you know, the square root of negative one? (He gets progressively intense as he notices that ETNAD appears doubtful) The mark of approval for legislation? The address for the first person singular! (There is an awkward pause, as they stare at one another blankly) This thing!? (He nearly drives a finger into ETNAD..s eye).
ETNAD (flinching and recoiling bitterly): Ah ..-- what in the Hell was that for?
NI (matter-of-factly): Yes, you..re down there. Except that now, it..s down here.
NI shamelessly folds the newspaper into a paper airplane and throws it into the audience.
ETNAD (growing a bit panicked): Isn..t Hell the absence of God?
NI: Or, perhaps, the absence of logic. (shrugs lamely)
ETNAD (looking over his shoulder, into the wings, outside past the stage): And, very clearly, the absence of Starbucks---
NI (abruptly grabbing ETNAD roughly by the shoulders, hissing acridly): Don..t ever take the name of the Lord in vain!
ETNAD (clearly even more befuddled): Well---
NI (interrupting): Don..t you want the grand tour? You haven..t even asked for it yet. All of them always ask, inevitably. Might as well get it over with.
ETNAD: But---
NI puts his arm about ETNAD and begins leading him about the stage. NI looks out into the audience and points to a corner.
NI (Musing out loud and gesturing): See that woman over there? The Cambodians call her Angkat; the Chinese, Yeh-Shen; the Indians, Nagami. And the Egyptians? Rhodopis.
ETNAD stares blankly and blinks.
NI (half sadly, half smugly): I believe you ill-educated, politically-incorrect Euro-centralists call her ..Cinderella..... doomed to wind herself around poles for eternity, degrading herself in front of the ghosts of Rockerfeller, Astor, and all other rich perverts---
They look at one another, NI smugly smiling, ETAND gaping incredulously.
NI (defensively): Well, she was a gold-digger! What do you expect?
ETNAD: Didn..t she love h---
NI (interrupting): ---his money!
ETNAD: His status?
NI: His dinner!
ETNAD: His dinner?
NI: Little Red..s Wolf---
ETNAD: He..s here?
NI: He..s in Heaven.
ETNAD: But, (hesitating) isn..t this Hell?
NI: Is it?
ETNAD: Isn..t it?
They pause yet again, NI reveling in and motivated by the silence.
NI (resuming unexpectedly): In Heaven---
ETNAD: But... didn..t he... devour... poor Grandma... and then Little Red---
NI (as they traverse across the stage): ---who first disrupted his nap and then proceeded to illustrate perfectly the concept of evolution!
ETNAD stares at NI.
NI: Survival of the fittest! Certainly not a sin! Just Nature taking Her course!
ETNAD: And what about the woodcutter? Isn..t he---
NI (pointing to another corner): He..s the neighborhood..s newest Prometheus. Hyenas and vultures and other scavengers shall pick him apart. Then beetles, mites... (He pauses, then grins.) Dismembering wildlife is a form of animal cruelty, you know.
They continue walking across the stage, NI..s arm is still around ETNAD. NI is getting more and more chummy with ETNAD as the tour progresses.
Stopping with their backs to the audience, NI gestures once again, motioning for ETNAD to look at yet another figure.
NI: And there is a man you have undoubtedly met very often.
ETNAD (startled): What? Who?
NI (slapping ETNAD): You weren..t paying attention! (suddenly chummy again, pointing) That man over there, with the aforementioned gold-diggers.. stepsisters.
ETNAD: You mean that man?
NI: Yes.
ETNAD: I don..t get it.
NI: Get what?
ETNAD: Wouldn..t this be Heaven for them?
NI (wicked chuckle): It..s punishment for him.
ETNAD: Who..s he?
NI (distractedly): Who..s who?
ETNAD: The man!
NI: Oh, him! He..s Prince Charming.
ETNAD: But, why?
NI: Why not?
ETNAD: I don..t...
NI (deep, prolonged sigh): He..s a sexual predator, kissing girls while they..re asleep. (evil chuckle) Those women he..s with will sure take the lechery out of the man, even one like that.
ETNAD: But he saved her from the spell...
NI (waving arms dramatically): Nonconsensual lip locking is the first stage! Next thing you know, he..s all over her like two rains from the same cloud!
ETNAD (blankly): ...pardon?
NI (musing): Well, in some versions, he did impregnate---
ETNAD (interrupting): But aren..t the stepsisters enjoying it?
NI: Of course they are! It..s what they..ve always wanted.
ETNAD: But isn..t this not Heaven?
NI: For them, it is Heaven.
ETNAD: So, this isn..t the Bad Place?
NI: It isn..t?
ETNAD: It is?
NI (shrugging nonchalantly): Truth be told, it depends on the angle of your perspective.
NI begins to navigate the stage whilst contorting his body into various shapes and twisting his face from side to side. He bends over and looks through his legs before tilting his head to the side while cross-eyed.
NI (still rotating his head into different positions, he speaks in a comical tone): View it from the right wing--- (he trots to the stage..s right wing) the left wing--- (he skips over to the stage..s left wing) sit on a fence and view it from the center--- (he runs merrily into center stage and firmly plants himself there) or hug a tree and see it like the Green!
ETNAD: But you told me that... or rather, I..m supposed to believe... (a thought interrupts him) Who are you, anyway?
NI (mocking ETNAD with a sing-song voice): Who am I, who am I?
ETNAD: So you mean, even you don..t know who you are?
NI (completely disregarding him): Where are you?
ETNAD (startled by the sudden shift in question): Where am I?
NI: Where do you think you are?
ETNAD: I don..t know, God damn it!
NI (indignantly): Don..t speak ill of the dead!
ETNAD: Go back to whatever it was that you were doing before I came.
NI: Was I even here before you came?
ETNAD: Just...! (mutters something indiscernible and begins to storm offstage)
NI: What..re you doing?
Ignoring NI completely, ETNAD goes into audience and retrieves the newspaper. He walks to the left wing of the stage and begins to read it right side up.
NI: It only makes sense upside-down.
ETNAD (crumbling the newspaper and throwing it to the ground): Who are you? And where am I?
NI (resigned): If you insist. (He sighs half-heartedly and pauses before speaking very deliberately) I, sir, am God. (He takes off his tattered robe to reveal clothing exactly the same as ETNAD..s and stalks blandly, if not somewhat dejectedly, offstage.)
ETNAD stands for a while before taking the robe and putting it on. He picks up the newspaper and unfolds it, and after sitting down, he turns it upside down and reads, musing in silence. Lights dim.
ETNAD: So, this is paradise.
Lights fade to blackout.
ETNAD (tentatively): Nice...
posted by Heina | 9:07 AM
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